From the Classroom to the Ball Field
Any parent whose children are involved in multiple activities has watched them be regularly tested, assessed and evaluated from a fairly young age. As parents in these circumstances, we are helpless. We have no control over how our children test or respond to an evaluation. However, there are steps you can take to get your children ready for assessments and help them work through the outcome in a positive way. Over the years, my wife and I have developed a process for our children to follow as they face the many inevitable tests, evaluations and performances that come with childhood, from sports and extracurricular activities to final exams:
Prepare. Understand what you will be evaluated on and commit the time to getting better at it. Early on, we helped our children realize the value and importance of seeking out information about what they’d be tested on, and encouraged them to take the initiative in communicating about it with their teachers and coaches. After knowing what to study, practice and get better at, we emphasize discipline, commitment and follow-through to prepare for any evaluation. I tell my son, “When you are anxious or excited to demonstrate what you know or can do, then you’re well prepared to take the test, have the tryout or face the competition.”
Focus. Give your best effort, and stay committed to giving your best once the clock starts ticking. It wasn’t too difficult to get our children to appreciate this part of the process because they live the “prepare” part so well. We explained — and they agree — that it would be a shame to work so hard preparing, then not be able to demonstrate what you know on the day of the assessment due to distraction or lack of focus. Because our children have bought into the importance of preparation, they consistently give their best effort on assessment day.
Reflect. Always review and learn from the outcome of any evaluation. I have coached my children in soccer, baseball, basketball and robotics. We always have an after-game discussion on the ride home. I put on my “dad” hat first, and encourage their performance, regardless of the outcome. Then I put on my “coach” hat, and we discuss the game, starting with their reflection on how they think they did. As a sports coach, my post-game discussion always focuses on hustle and effort based on players’ capabilities. My children gain insight into what I value as a coach and feel is important in a game — which is not the score. I reflect on their highlights and other teammates’ highlights that demonstrate what we worked on in practice. Academically, my wife and I ask how they did on a test, and we expect our children to talk about several key aspects, including their preparation and focus. We also want to know if they had time to check their work. Eventually, the grade and score come up but they don’t lead our discussion. Regarding grades, we ask, “Does the grade reflect or demonstrate what you know?” And if the answer is no, we encourage them to let the teacher know what they know.
Show. Bridge the gap between what the results say and what you know you can do. Many parents have gone through the “tryout” experience in sports with their children and most find the experience to be a “teachable moment” in handling disappointment. Our experience is no different, but we use our process as a way to emphasize what we feel is important. First, we make it very clear to our children that they are not defined by a test score, sports team, award or trophy. It’s okay to work hard and be passionate about making a team or getting a great grade or even achieving personal goals. However, winning or losing is not all that’s gained from testing your knowledge, skills and capabilities. The process itself is extremely important — and what you learn sometimes can be more valuable than the specific outcome. For example, if the outcome of an assessment or evaluation is not representative of their ability, we encourage our children to take the opportunity to let a teacher or a coach know what they know or can do. Academically, we support our children and have taught them to take ownership of their performance on tests or assignments. It is their responsibility to show their teachers that they can correctly complete or answer questions they missed on a test or an assignment. In sports, we encourage them to demonstrate their abilities and work ethic on the field, during practice and in games.
All parents want to see their children be successful in their academic and extra-curricular activities. And while the outcome counts, it’s more important to develop resilient, responsible young adults who are willing and know how to take intelligent risks and learn from their failures.